Motherhood and Fulfillment
Freud said that anatomy is destiny. But I wonder: is it truly?
During a recent magazine interview, I was asked if it is possible for a woman who has never had children to find fulfillment in life. This question surprised me, especially in this day and age when there are so many options open to women beyond the roles of wife and mother. The question presumes that childbearing is woman's only purpose in life and that to seek fulfillment elsewhere is secondary and perhaps even futile. (I wonder, in fact, how Mother Theresa would have responded to this question.)
The question also surprised me for another reason: it presumes that only women are involved in the creation of offspring, as if we were a uni-sex species and the males played no part in producing children. But women do not reproduce on their own. They require the participation of a man. So why is the question never raised: Can a man who has never fathered a child find fulfillment? Men, it seems, are allowed to go through life as childless bachelors and still be lauded for their successes.
There is an interesting parallel to the above question. In my thirty-plus years of being a published author, I have been interviewed for newspapers, magazines, on television, at book fairs, symposiums, book signings. And I realized long ago that I was always asked if I have children. I started to wonder if male authors were asked this question, and so whenever I participated in a book event that involved several writers, I asked the men if they were ever asked if they have children. Only rarely, it seems.
While there certainly are women who do not feel complete until they have given birth, that is their prerogative. However, for those who wish to find fulfillment elsewhere, that is the advantage of living in today's world. We have choices that perhaps our grandmothers did not. And while the double standard might have worked decades ago, in contemporary times it is antiquated thinking. Like my heroines in my novels, I like to believe that women's destinies are determined by their accomplishments, not their biology.
